You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
