i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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