what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
