omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize