i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
