like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize