Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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