i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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