So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
