Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
