Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
