i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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