Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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