I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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