Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
