Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
