Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
