actually, I'm a sock model
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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