It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
