we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
