She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize