Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
