clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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