I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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