Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
