I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
