just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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