just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
