hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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