@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
