sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
