Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
