I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we made out on top of his cat.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
