I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
BRING THE BAGELS
Who died my cat blue again?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
