My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it's like heaven, but drunker
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
