the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
