OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
