Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
