I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
