it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
