Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm at about main and main street
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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