he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
