I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im having a threesome with these popsicles
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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