Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
