Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
