something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
