Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
