I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That's intense
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize