Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My balls are so social today.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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