dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
