so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
