he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
