what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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