Porn is love you can see.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
