i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
