Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
