Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
