When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize