have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
