just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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