know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
