so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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