he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
