the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
