So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
