I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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